


don't lose what you've already lost

by SeraphStarshine



Category: BBC Radio 1 RPF, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Blowjobs, Cheating, Hidden Feelings, Love, M/M, Pining, Rimming, Romance, and nick is with mesh, basically harry is in love with nick, gryles fest, vaguely canon compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-05-13 08:29:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19247521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeraphStarshine/pseuds/SeraphStarshine
Summary: Harry’s heart is beating so fast he can't think over the noise. He doesn't want to be in love with Nick - can't be, really. He thought he'd come to terms with this years ago. He needs Nick in his life too badly to risk losing him, and Nick had never wanted romance or a boyfriend. Now he does though, which means Harry might be too late already.Or the one where Nick finally seems to have found love with someone who isn’t Harry and he’s fine with that...or he’s trying to be.





	don't lose what you've already lost

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aggressivelyfriendly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aggressivelyfriendly/gifts).



> Written for the prompt: a tale of Harry’s reaction to Mesh.
> 
> So in my typical fashion, I originally started this with the plans to have this maybe be around 5k words, but of course it somehow turned into so much more than it was meant to be. I finished this completely last minute, so if it is a bit jumpy or moves too fast in certain places I apologize.
> 
> Much thanks to my beta roboticdispostition for taking the time to edit and britpick this during exam season. Any remaining mistakes are as always my own. I also want to thank aggressivelyfriendly for the amazing prompt and of course a huge thank you to the mods running this exchange. You are all angels for helping bringing more Gryles into the world. 
> 
> Also I just want to say that this story does not at all accurately reflect my views on Mesh and Nick’s relationship. In real life I adore them so much but since this is a Gryles fest this fic took on a more Gryles aspect so please no hate for any of this.
> 
> I did attempt to follow a realistic timeline to this as well but it is nowhere near perfect just a vaguely canon compliant outline.
> 
> Title from Herex by Biffy Clyro

Harry can't help but smile as he bumps against Nick's side gently. It's been too long since he's been in his presence, and he's only now reminded just how right everything feels when he's with the older man. Harry finds himself leaning into Nick briefly, soaking in his warmth which seeps into his bones even more than the blazing sun does.

When Nick doesn't pull away, Harry lets their fingers link. He keeps the contact subtle, glancing around discretely to make sure no one is nearby. Nick squeezes their palms together, but then he drops his hand. Harry lets him. He knows how risky this is: them being out in public and showing any amount of affection for each other. Usually, he wouldn't be so daring, but it's been a while, and Harry has missed Nick more than he realizes.

"So..." Nick speaks for the first time in what seems like hours, although it's only been a few minutes. Nick is rarely this quiet, so the periods of silence always seem longer than they would with anyone else. "I'm seeing someone."

"Oh," is all Harry can respond with. Unexplainably, Harry's chest suddenly feels hollow, a chill racing through his bones as Nick's words sink in like a surprise frost in the summer.

He honestly isn't sure why Nick's announcing this now, it's not like it's all that important - at least, not _usually_. They have both seen plenty of people while still carrying on with each other, but apparently, this time it's different.

They aren't properly together either though, they've never put a label on what they have. Nick has always been against those and Harry hasn't been ready to claim one either, yet they've always been something - friends that fuck at the very least, but Harry sort of assumed it was more, especially after so many years.

"Yeah, not saying you can't touch me or anything," Nick laughs airily, but there is an uncomfortable aura to it that so rarely permeates their interactions, "just...yeah. Sort of want to give this one a chance."

Harry pauses for a beat too long as he tries to process everything. He hates that he's so caught off guard by this; he wishes he could stop the sensations, but he feels them regardless. It's as if the very ground beneath his feet is caving in and there is no one there to help him to safety. He attempts not to let any of this show on his face, but he's not sure how successful he is at that feat.

"Course, I'm happy for you," Harry answers when he realizes he has to say something. He is pleased that Nick is dating - _sort of_. He can't deny that his initial reaction isn't the most positive, but Harry's never tried to kid himself about the fact that he is a selfish person at heart. He isn't a fan of sharing attention, especially not Nick's. He's not around enough though, he knows this, so it only makes sense that Nick has finally begun searching for affection somewhere else. "What's his name?" Harry asks, although he's really just being polite. Knowing Nick, this lad won't last more than a month, but Harry will pretend to be interested for the other man's sake.

"He goes by Mesh - his real name is ridiculous. Who names their child _Meshach_ honestly?"

"He another model?" Harry teases, letting himself laugh softly although the sound rattles around in his mouth oddly.

"Nah, dancer this time," Nick chuckles. "We've only been on a few dates...but I think - I think I really like him."

"I'm glad," Harry nods slowly, letting his mind ingest this new information. He swallows thickly when he realizes that silence has fallen again, and this time it's awkward - _unnatural_. His throat feels as if it's filled with acid instead of saliva, but Harry ignores it. This is fine - Nick is allowed to date whoever he wants; they'll still be best friends, and that's all that really matters at the end of the day. "Think I can climb that tree without ruining these trousers?" Harry asks in a terrible attempt at changing the subject.

"I bet you twenty quid you can't." Nick instantly rises to the challenge, a grin tugging at the lips that Harry always wants to kiss but he doesn't feel like he can now that he knows about Mesh.

"Take a picture if I make it up," Harry encourages Nick as he climbs the low hanging branches, ignoring his baser desires in an effort to pacify the unruly atmosphere hovering between them.

"Oh god Styles, please stop there." Nick groans when Harry almost slips trying to move himself higher without ruining his entirely white outfit he'd stupidly decided to wear today, mostly because he'd known Nick would love teasing him for his trousers, which he had as soon as he'd arrived at his place. "You're going to hurt yourself and I don't want to be held responsible for this. Jeffery will literally murder me if you end up breaking a bone on my watch."

"Fine," Harry pouts, seating himself comfortably on the large branch beneath him, fixing his cap as he settles himself.

"Perfect, stay right there," Nick grins as he takes out his phone, snapping a few photos of Harry as he pretends to be looking off into the distance.

"You should post that on your Instagram...if you like I mean," Harry suggests when Nick seems satisfied with the photos he's taken.

"Yeah? You'd be alright with that?" Nick questions warily.

"I'd like it, especially since I can't make it into the studio to wish you an official goodbye on your last day. This way people will know that I care...or _whatever_. Not that it matters, not if you don't want that I mean," Harry stutters rapidly.

"Who do you think I am Harold? Of course I want to post it, I've already thought up the perfect caption and everything," Nick exclaims, brushing over the fact that Harry won't be able to make it to Nick's last Breakfast Show. They'd already discussed this, there is no point bringing it up again.

"I'd be disappointed if you hadn't." Harry shakes his head, a smile tugging at his lips as Nick begins suggesting ridiculous captions that have Harry shaking with laughter, his previous unsettled emotions evaporating in the wake of Nick's eternal light.

~~~

Harry snuggles into Nick's side discretely as they watch reruns of Love Island. Harry had missed the last few episodes thanks to tour and all, which Nick knew, so he's recorded all of the episodes for his sake. Nick will never admit it's specifically for him, just like Harry will never thank him for doing it, but it's just part of their relationship.

They're on the finale now though, and Harry thinks he knows who wins since Nick's tweet had sort of given it away when he'd mentioned nice teeth, so Harry is zoning out slightly. He's tired, it's been a long day, but that seems like every day for him lately. A part of Harry wishes they would all end like this, with Nick's arm around him and the telly on in the background as they both unwind.

Nick's earlier proclamation runs through his head though, reminding him that Nick is ' _seeing someone'_ , whatever that means in Nick's world. Harry is suddenly curious to learn more about this person who has caught Nick's eye, but he decides not to ask. He doesn't want to ruin this comfortable moment with thoughts of someone else that might soon take his place.

"Well I don't know about you Haz but I'm knackered," Nick announces eventually, alerting Harry to the fact that the episode has reached its end and Jack and Dani had won just like Harry assumed. "I've got Bake Off recorded as well if you want to stay up, but I need my beauty sleep. Breakfast still requires me at my best for a few more days."

"I'm ready to sleep too, I think," Harry mumbles, his eyelids growing heavy at just the thought of closing them.

"Alright then..." Nick pauses awkwardly, another moment of tension filling the air just like earlier, causing Harry's throat to swell without any obvious reason. "Did you want to maybe _umm_...sleep in the guest room? You don't have to, of course, I just - well, Mesh and all, I don't know if he'd like me sleeping with someone who goes to bed starkers, even if we don't do anything."

"Oh," Harry swallows thickly, his saliva having gained the consistency of glass as he tries not to show how thrown off he is by Nick's odd request. They always sleep in the same bed, even when the other is taken, because what they have transcends normal relationships - at least...it _did_. "Think I'll just stay out here then if that's okay?" Harry spits out when he can speak again.

"Oh yeah - 'course, whatever works best for you," Nick nods with a bit of a frantic edge. "You know how to work everything if you need it, just kick the dogs out if they bother you."

"Will do," Harry smiles weakly, his heart dropping into his stomach as Nick heads for the stairs, the visceral connection that's always bonded them tugging at Harry, begging him to follow Nick even though he's made it clear that he's not welcome anymore.

Harry actually tears up a bit as he flops back onto the sofa. He's not upset - not _really_ , but he feels rejected...or replaced maybe? He knows Nick loves him in a way that can't be quantified in words, but this is the first time he's ever felt second best. That's not something he's used to experiencing, especially not with Nick.

As if she can sense his internal distress, Pig hops up onto the newly vacated spot next to Harry. She rests her head in his lap when he doesn't immediately respond to her presence, inciting Harry to pet her ears gently.

"Hey girl," he whispers under his breath. "You'll sleep with me yeah?"

Pig closes her eyes in answer, and Harry takes that as a yes.

~~~

The next few weeks keep Harry busy in both body and mind, allowing him to mostly forget about the awkward tension he'd experienced at Nick's. They still talk whenever they have the chance, which is actually more often now that Nick doesn't have to be up at the crack of dawn. Harry's schedule is nowhere near as consistent. He's jumping countries like he's playing international hopscotch, but Nick is always there for him whether he's in Canada or Mexico, even if it's across a phone line and not in person.

There is one instance where Harry is briefly reminded of Mesh's existence in a painful way. Nick had tweeted about having a boyfriend, which was news to Harry. He knew they were seeing each other of course, but the label was new - not to mention very un-Nick like. Harry can count on one hand the amount of actual boyfriends he's had, and none of them ever earned that term so quickly.

Seeing Nick publicly speaking about his relationship status leaves a funny feeling in Harry's gut, but he quickly brushes it off. He's not upset - _of course not_. Perhaps a small part of him wishes that Nick could talk about their friendship as openly, but that's all this is. Harry closes down Twitter without liking Nick's tweet, pushing the entire thing from his mind before it can take root and fester.

~~~

The next time Harry is reminded of Mesh is a bit more alarming.

He's in London for a few days, and per his usual habit, he heads straight to Nick's instead of his own place. Nick knows he's in town today. He had texted him earlier letting him know he'd landed, but he hasn't responded. Harry thinks he remembers him saying he's got a meeting for work, or maybe that's tomorrow, but either way, Harry has his own key, so he lets himself in just like he always does.

"Hello darlings," Harry coos when he's greeted by Pig and Stinky, their tails wagging so quickly Harry thinks he might actually bruise if they keep whacking at his thighs. "Where's your daddy huh? He home?"

"Babe - that you?" a voice calls out that is most definitely not Nick's. "Oh, hello," the person exclaims when they walk into view. Harry isn't sure how he knows, since he has yet to meet or even see a picture of him, but he is certain this is Mesh. He's not what he expected, or envisioned in his head when he previously thought of him, but he can see why Nick likes him.

He is very fit, with close-cropped hair and flawless dark skin. His eyes widen expressively as he takes in Harry, and although Harry does his best to find some sort of obvious flaw in his appearance, he can't deny that he's attractive.

"Uh - hi, sorry. I'm Harry...Harry Styles, I just -"

"I know who you are," Mesh laughs softly. "Sorry, just wasn't expecting to see you here. "I'm Mesh - Nick's boyfriend."

"Yeah, I know who you are too," Harry responds, hoping that the petulant aura to his tone isn't as visible as it sounds to him. "Nick's mentioned you."

"He's spoken about you too," Mesh answers. "It's nice to meet you."

"Same," Harry grins, and he only has to force it a little bit. "Sorry to barge in on you by the way. Didn't expect you to be here."

"It's fine, but did you need Nick for something? He's out right now, but I can give him a message."

Harry hears the dismissal in Mesh's voice, and the lack of an invitation to stay is obvious even without it being said. He doesn't blame Mesh for reacting to his unexpected arrival this way, especially not if Nick's told him about their past relationship, but it still stings. This isn't Mesh's home, he shouldn't have the right to ban Harry from it, but it's abundantly clear that Harry isn't welcome here at the moment.

"Oh - no, it's fine. I'll just text him. Sorry again for bothering you."

Harry retreats from Nick's home as quickly as he can, and Mesh does nothing to stop him. Harry doesn't even pause to pat the dogs goodbye, he simply nudges them with his booted foot when they attempt to follow him out the door in search of affection.

Harry has to breathe deeply once he closes the door behind him, his heart rattling in his ribcage and his eyes squeezing shut as he tries to regain control of himself. He knows his reaction to meeting Mesh is beyond ridiculous, but he can't help himself.

Mesh is _here_ \- in Nick's home.

Nick never lets boyfriends have free range of his place, that is a privilege reserved only for his closest friends, or at least, it used to be. Mesh is apparently much more important to Nick than Harry had realized, and he's not sure how to process that fact.

He wants to be happy for Nick, and he is - _really_. This is a massive step for him emotionally. Mesh probably has no idea how lucky he is to be trusted so much by Nick already, which means that maybe Nick's actually falling for him and not just into his bed, but honestly - Harry is _jealous_.

He feels like he's losing Nick, that he's being replaced by Mesh, which is completely untrue, or at least, Harry is doing his best to convince himself of that fact. He's not Nick's boyfriend, he never has been, but he's still something to him. He's his best friend, he's known him for years, and no matter how quickly Mesh seems to be progressing with Nick, he can't ever be what Harry is to him.

~~~

Nick texts Harry the next day, apologizing for not being there when he'd come over and promising that they could hang out tonight at the club he's djing at. Harry has slept off most of his hurt feelings from yesterday, so he tells Nick that it's all good and he can't wait to see him again. Nick responds with a string of emojis that make absolutely no sense but still manage to have Harry grinning down at his phone all the same.

Harry looks up the club Nick had mentioned, not being familiar with the name. It seems to be new, and it looks very posh. Harry can use this as an excuse to wear his new sequined button down. That, coupled with his tightest jeans will surely have Nick forgetting all about Mesh for the evening, not that Harry is making that his goal - not _really_ , he just wants one night with Nick where he's not thinking about Mesh the entire time.

He spends the rest of his day catching up with his other friends in London, making plans to meet up with the few that don't flow in Nick's circles before he makes his way to the car he had called earlier to take him to the club.

Harry's plans of forgetting about Mesh for the evening are completely ruined when he finally shoves his way up to the DJ deck, only to find not just Nick, but also Mesh there waiting for him.

"Heya popstar!" Nick calls out to him the second he lays eyes on him. "Glad you could make it."

"'Course, you know I love coming to your gigs," Harry grins weakly, his eyes grazing over Mesh who is dressed in a white button down and trousers so tight that they put Harry's to shame.

"Oh, this is Mesh by the way," Nick belatedly introduces them, "my...uh - _boyfriend_."

"Yeah...we met," Harry laughs airily. "Good to see you again mate." Harry waves briefly in Mesh's direction, receiving a halfhearted finger wiggle from the other man in return.

"Why don't you handsome lads go get better acquainted?" Nicks suggests. Either he's oblivious to the tension simmering between the two of them, or he thinks this is the way to dissipate it. "I'll join you at the bar as soon as I finish this set."

Harry wants to protest, but it's easier to simply follow Mesh in the direction of the neon-lit bar than to formulate an argument that doesn't make him sound like an arse, not to mention that he'll be lucky to be understood over the pounding music. He slinks into the first open seat that he sees, raising his hand to get the bartender's attention immediately. If he's going to be spending his evening with Mesh, then he'll need a drink.

"So...didn't know you were coming to this," Mesh attempts to initiate conversation, and to his credit, he doesn't sound nearly as accusing as he had earlier.

"Yeah, Nick sent me a last minute invite this morning. Sorry if I'm intruding by the way," Harry feels the need to apologize. "I wasn't aware that this was a date."

"No worries," Mesh shrugs, "and it's not really. I just try to go to as many of Nick's events as I can. Want to support him and all that you know."

"Oh yeah, 'course."

"I'm sure you feel the same, if you were here more often, that is." Mesh's comment seems casual, but it hits Harry like a slap to the face.

"Well, I always do my best to be there for Nick whenever he needs me," Harry retorts sharply. He almost breathes an audible sigh of relief when the red-headed bartender finally makes her way to his side. "I'll have a cape cod," Harry requests before she can say anything, "and make it a double."

"Will do," the woman nods while turning to Mesh, "and for you?"

"Give me the house special." Mesh smiles at Harry as he orders, and although it most likely isn't meant to come off this way, Harry views it as a challenging gesture, inciting him to hum questioningly when Mesh continues to keep eye contact with him. "Not much of a drinker?" Mesh asks in what is most likely a completely innocent way, but Harry is fired up already, and he takes it personally.

"Why do you say that?"

"Just...a cape cod?"

"What? You going to claim it's a feminine drink?" Harry dares him to, an entire rant about how assigning genders to drinks is one of the most ridiculous things humanity has thought up yet.

"Nah, don't care about that," Mesh shrugs, and Harry swears he sees a playful glint in his eye as he speaks. "There's just loads better drinks out there, especially here."

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

~~~

Somehow, Harry and Mesh end up in a drinking contest consisting of attempting to take each shot off the menu. Whoever bows out first loses, and Harry refuses to let Mesh win, even in something as stupid as this. He does emerge the victor in the end, but he might as well have lost. He's not used to consuming this much alcohol, so he's spent the last fifteen minutes in the toilets doing his best to calm his spinning head and trying to avoid vomiting up the contents of his stomach. He's sure Mesh is laughing at him at this moment, but whatever, he's not the one who admitted defeat with a greenish-tinge to his face.

Harry splashes cold water on his flushed skin, pressing his forehead against the porcelain sink when the water doesn't do enough to cool him. He can't believe himself; he has no idea why he keeps letting Mesh get to him so easily. It's immature of him, not to mention immoral. If Nick is happy, he should be too. That's all there is to it.

Harry steels himself to reenter the main room, swearing not to drink for the rest of the night and also not to antagonize Mesh anymore. He's here to spend time with Nick, not to get into a pissing fight with his new boy.

So that is exactly what Harry does. He joins the couple on the dance floor and chats with them when they can hear each other. He takes the teasing from both Mesh and Nick for his overambitious drinking and does his best to pretend that his heart doesn't sink into the soles of his feet when Nick kisses Mesh openly or when the two get lost in each other and briefly forget about Harry's existence entirely.

Nick must notice Harry's unease though, because toward the end of the night when the club is beginning to empty out, he tugs on Harry's arm, pulling him down a mostly deserted hallway near the back entrance. Harry follows easily, glancing behind him to see if Mesh has followed them, which surprisingly he hasn't.

"Hey Hazza, you alright?" Nick asks when they're alone, minus the few people who occasionally pass them by heading outside for a smoke.

"Yeah, why do you ask?"

"Just...I know this isn't what you expected," Nick sighs. "I don't want you to feel like I'm ignoring you or anything."

"It's fine, I promise," Harry brushes off Nick's apology. The truth is, his current behavior does sting, but Harry doesn't want to admit that.

"I just want you and Mesh to get along. I know your first meeting must have been hard, but he's lovely if you just give him a chance."

"I know he is Nick, and I'm happy for you - _really_ , I am."

"Thank you," Nick beams. "He's different, I don't know what it is about him, but I really like him, and I want you to as well."

"'Bout time you met someone you can stand for more than a few months," Harry chortles under his breath, doing his best to ignore the way his heart is beating angrily against his ribcage, threatening to crack through his bones and tissue if the pressure of it gets much stronger.

"So you're not upset?" Nick asks warily.

"I - I'm not, no," Harry promises, "and I do like Mesh. He seems good for you...just - I miss you, and what we had, which is why I might seem a bit off, but it was never going to last forever was it? Either way, you deserve someone like Mesh in your life, and I really am glad that you found him."

"Thank you Haz, that means a lot to me. I just - something about Mesh is special, and I have to give him a proper chance you know?"

"I do, and I wish you both the best," Harry utters with as much sincerity as he can muster.

~~~

Harry avoids Nick for the next few weeks, which is hard since he stays in London for a bit so he can begin recording his next album. He keeps himself busy with his music and his other friends that he hasn't seen in far too long, but he can't avoid Nick forever, not when he's in such close proximity to the other man.

Almost a month after the night at the club, Nick invites him to a party, and Harry can't think of any good reason not to go. It's a typical get together at Nick's place featuring his closest friends, which of course, blossoms into a huge party that Nick quickly loses control of.

Harry stays glued by Nick's side, soaking in the mostly uninterrupted attention he's receiving since Mesh isn't at the party. Nick had explained that he'd had some sort of dance recital to attend. Harry won't say it aloud, but he's secretly glad that Mesh isn't here, it makes it easier to pretend that things are normal again.

Nick seems to feel the same way. He's being his usual flirty self, pressing kisses to everyone's cheeks and being more handsy with Harry than he's let himself be lately. Harry drinks it in eagerly, pressing into each one of Nick's touches and preening under the spotlight Nick has cast on him.

The night ends with Harry in Nick's bed, just like it always did before. Harry's in one of Nick's t-shirts and his pants he'd nicked from his closet. Nick's still off mingling, he is the host of the party after all, but Harry's sleepy and wine drunk and he wanted to lie down. He's not exactly ready to actually rest though, he'd just been done socializing. What he really wants is Nick's warmth in the space next to him, and maybe his lips grazing his skin as well.

That's not his to ask for anymore though, at least, Harry thinks it isn't. The subject hasn't been brought up since that first day in the park, but _still_ \- something about tonight seems different. It feels like the old days, when Harry would always be welcomed into Nick's bed no matter who he was with.

At some point, Harry does doze off accidentally, and his dreams are filled with thoughts of Nick's lips against his and his tongue slipping into his mouth, so Harry isn't at all surprised when he wakes up hard and aching for Nick's touch.

As if Nick knows Harry needs him, he suddenly appears in the doorway, a mostly empty bottle of champagne in his hand and a lazy grin on his face. "Popstar, you awake?" Nick drawls, his voice igniting sparks deep in Harry's stomach that increases his desire tenfold.

"Yeah," Harry nods as he sits up, letting the sheets pool around his thighs as he pats the spot in front of him invitingly. "Been keeping the bed warm for you," he teases, but with his still fuzzy head muddled with sleep and alcohol, he isn't sure if he's messing around or not.

Nick laughs like Harry told the best joke in the world, and his mirth has Harry grinning as well. "Look at me, got a celebrity as my own personal hot water bottle."

"Sod off," Harry scoffs. He automatically makes room for Nick when he sprawls out on the bed, grabbing the bottle of liquor from him so he doesn't spill it on his clean linens. "Now get your kit off and lie down before you hurt yourself.

"Ooh, bossy today Styles?" Nick winks. "I like it."

Harry isn't sure who moves first, all he knows is one moment he's staring at Nick's lips, and the next, they are pressed against his own. Harry whimpers deep in his throat, his eyes squeezing closed as he tries to remember his new mantra of keeping Nick's best interest at hearts. It's so difficult though, especially when Nick surges against his mouth with a soft moan, his lashes fluttering across his cheekbones as he deepens the kiss.

"Nick," Harry whispers when they pull apart for air. He intends to remind Nick of Mesh, but he can't get his swollen tongue to form a sentence.

Nick sits up as Harry flounders for words, but instead of moving away from Harry with an apology falling from his lips, he rolls on top of him entirely. Their cocks line up against each other, causing Harry to cry out softly as Nick puts pressure on his growing bulge.

"What is it love," Nick asks throatily, "you want my help with this?" Nick reaches down and cups Harry's hard-on, his long fingers pressing into all the right places, leaving Harry breathless and panting, his legs spreading automatically so Nick can fit in between them.

"Fuck...Nick," Harry whimpers. He knows he should push him away, but _god_ \- he wants this.

So he lets Nick pull off his pants and allows him to grab his cock without protest. He cries out as Nick swallows him down, his stomach jumping with an odd mixture of arousal and guilt, the latter of which quickly eradicates in a swell of pleasure so strong he forgets about everything besides Nick and the pressure of his lips around his dick.

Nick swallows everything, just like he always does. Harry barely has time to come back to himself before Nick's tip is pressing against his bitten lips. He opens up eagerly, gagging on Nick's length and doing everything he can to please him before the opportunity is taken away from him.

~~~

When Harry wakes the next morning, he's alone in bed. The spot next to him is cold as well, meaning Nick has been up for some time. Harry briefly wonders if he has work today, but then recalls that it is, in fact, Sunday, meaning Nick doesn't have to be at the station at all.

Moments later, everything from last night comes rushing back. Harry can't accurately describe how he feels. There is too much to process, and until he knows how Nick is dealing with things, he's wary to let himself truly relax in what had been a mostly pleasant evening - at least, for him.

Harry's curiosity wars with his laziness, but eventually, his desire to find Nick wins out over the tempting urge of dozing back off. Harry tugs on his pants which had ended up on the floor, deciding not to bother with anything else in terms of clothing for the moment.

He wanders into the bathroom first, brushing his teeth and vaguely attempting to do something with his hair. He quickly gives up on that endeavor, leaving his curls tousled and sleep ruined in favor of searching Nick out.

Harry finds the other man in the kitchen. He's sitting with his back to him, letting Harry observe him unnoticed. His posture is tense, his spine arched and his hands clenched around the coffee mug in front of him. Guilt instantly wells in Harry's stomach when he realizes he's most likely caused this.

He's got no regrets about last night - he never does when it comes to Nick, but now that they're both sober and the morning light has come, Harry wishes he'd done more to remind Nick of his current relationship situation.

"Hey," Harry finally speaks up, forcing himself to step further into the kitchen so Nick can see him.

"You're up earlier than I thought you'd be," Nick murmurs, taking a sip of his drink after he speaks.

"Could say the same about you," Harry hums, "but I think we're both still on a decently early schedule, parties or not."

"Yeah, habits are hard to break huh?" Nick responds bitterly.

"I'm s-"

"Harry," Nick cuts him off, "we can't do this again."

"I know...I'm sorry," Harry attempts to apologize for a second time.

"It's not your fault," Nick sighs, "well - not any more yours than mine, but whatever the case is, this can't keep happening. Mesh trusts me, and I don't want to do this to him."

"You going to tell him what happened?" Harry asks.

"I have to, he'll figure it out if I don't. He already knows about us anyway, or what we used to do."

"Does he?" Harry is surprised to hear this, but it makes sense given Mesh's initial reaction to him.

"Yeah...it came up, and I told him that what we had is over." Harry's stomach drops into his toes, or perhaps that's his heart; he can't tell anymore. All he knows is that his insides are tangled up and he has no idea how to return them to their proper place.

"I'm sorry," Harry repeats himself. He really does feel awful, but at the same time, he wants Nick to understand his side of things. "I just...I didn't think it was over entirely you know? I mean - you did tell me, and I should have respected that, it's just _hard_. I shouldn't have let that happen, I was being selfish. I miss you though, just so you know."

"I know, and I miss you too, but I - I want more than this Harry, and I think Mesh might be it. We talked about this before, yeah? I just...I need more than a friend who I shag occasionally."

"Yeah - no, I get it," Harry stops Nick before he can shoot any more daggers into his heart. He knows Nick isn't trying to hurt him, and that everything he's saying is true, but it does sting. Nick is right though, they had discussed this before his last tour, even if it wasn't in such definitive terms, but love had come up, and Nick had expressed wanting that sooner rather than later. "It won't happen again, I swear."

"Thanks Hazza," Nick smiles tiredly. "You want a cuppa?" Harry agrees in favor of smoothing things over. He's caused Nick enough trouble, so he's not going to keep arguing his case, especially when he can't give Nick what he wants.

~~~

Harry leaves London the next day. He doesn't tell Nick where he is going, in fact, he barely knows himself. If it wasn't for Jeffery, he'd have most likely pointed at the departure board at the airport and picked a destination at random. Luckily, Jeffery arranges things for him beforehand, and with very little effort on his part, Harry finds himself in Tokyo, Japan.

Being here is good for him, at least, Harry thinks it is. Absolutely nothing reminds him of Nick; it's one of the few cities they never visited together, so there are no memories waiting around every corner to haunt him.

For the first few days, Harry is tempted to message Nick. He's curious if he did indeed tell Mesh about what happened the night of the party, but he also doesn't want to continue to poke at fresh wounds. He doesn't follow through with it though, erasing dozens of messages without ever sending them, convincing himself that it's not his business.

Harry is determined to forget about his temporary lapse in judgment, so that is exactly what he does. He loses himself in an attempt to learn the culture, studying Japanese in his free time instead of pondering over what Nick is currently doing and whether or not he's with Mesh. He finds Bell again - revealing in the friendship the canine provides him with. He smothers her with affection, petting and walking her as often as he can in between meeting up with the few people he knows in this country. Somehow, the New Year arrives, and Harry finds himself baffled over the fact that it's 2019.

He doesn't do much to celebrate, just has a drink with some close friends and watches the fireworks out his window. It's a fun evening, but Harry's not all that into it, no matter how hard he tries to be. He's trying to hide it, but he's in a stroppy mood, and he mostly just wants to sleep, yet he's too wired to even consider doing so, so he stays up and counts down the minutes with everyone else.

At some point during the night, Harry ends up on Instagram. He sees Nick's most recent post, which is a picture of him and Mesh sat so close together that there is no space between them while they look up at the sky. Harry's stomach churns as he stares at the image, getting so lost in it he almost drops his phone when it vibrates in his hand.

Ironically enough, it's a text from Nick. All it says is _"happy new year"_ but the fact that he's messaged at all has Harry smiling to himself. Nick might be with Mesh, but he's still thinking of Harry, and that's enough, or it should be. It doesn't erase the queasy feeling in Harry's stomach, but it does fill his limbs with warmth.

Harry swears then and there to do everything in his power to stop feeling jealous of Mesh. It's stupid of him to do so, especially when Nick seems so happy with him. Harry had his chance to be with Nick, and he didn't take it, so he's not allowed to mope around now that Nick has found love.

~~~

Harry's new goal is easier said than done, especially when Nick continues to post loads of pictures featuring Mesh that have Harry irritable and confused by his reactions to Nick's new boyfriend. He knows he's jealous of losing Nick's attention, but this is more than that somehow.

It's not like Nick is ignoring him either. They still talk occasionally and they text often enough, so Harry isn't feeling neglected per se, or envious of the fact that Nick is in a relationship. Something is simply _wrong_ \- his center of gravity has shifted, and he's confused and discombobulated months after Mesh's appearance.

Harry even wonders if perhaps his sixth sense is trying to tell him something, but after finding everything he can on Mesh, which isn't much at all, Harry had come to the conclusion that he's not a gold digger or a serial killer or any sort of threat to Nick whatsoever. Jeffery had teased him endlessly when he'd enlisted his help in his research, but Harry still can't shake the sensation that something is wrong.

~~~

In what seems to be a blink of an eye, Harry's twenty-fifth birthday is approaching rapidly. He's still in Japan, and although he'd originally planned on spending his special day back in London, he makes no move to book a flight back home. His mum is currently with their extended family; she'd invited Harry of course, but he'd politely declined. He's not ready to be around her for a long amount of time just yet, mostly because he hasn't been able to shake off the funk he's been in, and he knows his mum will notice.

So Harry stays where he is. He walks around Tokyo with a birthday hat on and lets people take photos of him until he's got perpetual flashes behind his eyes. In a way, he enjoys himself, even though a part of him regrets his decision to not return home. He doesn't let that faze him though; it's too late to change his mind, so he's going to make the most of today.

Nick texts him around noon, wishing him a happy birthday and then spamming him with balloon and cake emojis until Harry responds. It's sweet and very Nick, but really, it's just a reminder of past birthdays actually spent with him that Harry can no longer recreate. He's still polite though, thanking Nick for the thought and teasing him for his excessive use of emojis as he usually does.

Nick only responds with more emojis - _kisses_ this time. Harry simply pockets his phone after that, trying his best not to recall how good of a kisser Nick is so he can enjoy the rest of his birthday.

He ends the night in a gay bar with the cast of Queer Eye, which isn't how Harry had planned to spend his birthday, but it's the best he could ask for given the circumstances. The more drinks Harry consumes, the more into karaoke he becomes, and it's not long before he's belting Queen at the top of his lungs, all thoughts of home and Nick temporarily forgotten.

~~~

Harry's good mood is ruined the next day when he sees a picture of Mesh in Nick's home petting Stinky Blob wearing none other than the lavender sweater that he'd left at Nick's place ages ago. Harry feels ill looking at it, although he has no idea why. This is getting out of hand. He can't keep reacting to Mesh like this, especially not if he's going to be a permanent fixture in Nick's life.

_ Oh god _ ...what if they get married? For some reason, the thought has Harry feeling literally nauseous, inciting him to stumble out of bed in search of some water to wash the hint of bile out of his throat. He runs into Jeffery on the way into the kitchen, but he ignores him in favor of searching out a drink.

"Good morning to you too," Jeffery mumbles under his breath, but Harry knows he's not really offended. Still, he belatedly waves in his direction.

"Sorry, bit parched," Harry apologizes, holding up his cup of water in front of his face when Jeffry stares at him curiously.

"You that hungover? You seemed fine last night."

"I am - fine, I mean, just... _yeah_. Thirsty," Harry shrugs. He realizes he's making no sense, but if he knew what was wrong with him, it would be a lot easier to explain.

"Ah...this is about Nick then."

"What?" Harry sputters loudly, completely caught off guard by Jeffery's casual assumption.

"I follow him too you know, and I've been around you long enough to spot your clothes at a glance, even when someone else is wearing them."

"S'not...I-" Harry stutters.

"Yeah, thought so," Jeffery shrugs like Harry's mindless babbling has confirmed something for him.

"What are you talking about?" Harry finally manages to form a coherent sentence, his face flaming red as he stalks his way over to Jeffery's side.

"Nothing Haz...just - I've put up with your moping for months, but you've got to get over this Nick thing at some point. You have so much coming up, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame awards, the Met Gala, not to mention finishing your album..."

"Months?" Harry all but screeches, his voice pitching higher than he's heard it since he was a teenager. He ignores the rest of what Jeffery has said; he doesn't need a rerun of his itinerary right now, he needs to understand how Jeffery seems to know what is going on with him better than he does.

"Yes _months_. I'm not an idiot, and neither are you. I know you came here to get away from Nick, and I know you're having a hard time adjusting to his new boyfriend, but this is getting out of hand. Either you need to talk to him, or move on, one or the other."

"Talk to him about what?" Harry shakes his head furiously, trying to get on the same page as Jeffery who apparently knows so much more about him than he thought.

"About the fact that you're in love with him."

"I - I'm not..." Harry stutters, but the denial rings false, even to his ears.

It hits him with the speed of an out of control freight train, the realization that perhaps Jeffery is right. He's in love with Nick, _of course_ he is. That explains everything: the jealousy, the instant dislike of Mesh, the moodiness, but at the same time, it almost seems impossible.

Nick is his best friend, and yes - he loves him, but not in that way...not _anymore_. They had their chance to try a romantic relationship, and it never worked out. Harry always assumed that was because they were meant to be mates, nothing more, but now, he's not so sure.

He recalls when he'd first voiced it aloud - all those years ago playing call and delete with Nick on the radio. It was meant to be a joke, having Nick tell his friend he was in love with Harry, but when Harry had voiced it, something heady and terrifying had unfurled in his chest. He had managed to push it away at the time, to brush off everything deeper about his and Nick's relationship, but now he's feeling the exact same sensation, and it's much harder to ignore.

"There is nothing wrong with being in love," Jeff cuts in when Harry doesn't say anything else.

"I know. I just - I'm not..." Harry trails off again.

Harry's heart is beating so fast he can't think over the noise. He doesn't want to be in love with Nick - _can't be_ , really. He thought he'd come to terms with this years ago. He needs Nick in his life too badly to risk losing him, and Nick had never wanted romance or a boyfriend. Now he does though, which means Harry might be too late already. He didn't come to Harry when he wanted love, he found Mesh, but that might only have been because Harry wasn't there for Nick then, he was off on tour for months. If he had been in London, would that have made a difference, would Nick have reached out to Harry before searching for someone else to love?

But even if Jeffery is right, and Harry is in love with Nick, how can he tell him that now? Nick is finally happy - he's got Mesh, so regardless of how Harry feels, he can't throw a spoke into his relationship just because he's finally admitting his suppressed emotions, if that is even what this is.

Some of his internal struggle must show on his face, because Jeff stands up and pulls him into a much needed embrace. Harry hides his face in his chest, sniffling softly as he tries to come to terms with everything. Deep down, he knows that Jeffery is right. He's always loved Nick, ever since he first met him, but _god_ \- he never thought he'd have to face that fact head on.

~~~

Harry pretends to ignore his revelation for the next few days. Jeffery lets him at first, but only for so long, and as he slowly comes to terms with his feelings, Harry has to admit that he's right.

_ He is in love with Nick.  _

He's been hiding it for years, but he is - he always has been. He's avoided it for ages, using every excuse in the book to try and explain why he can't love Nick, why they're better as friends, until Mesh showed him everything he's been missing out on. He could be in Mesh's shoes if he'd let himself, but he had never taken the plunge, which is no one's fault but his own.

Valentine's Day passes and seeing Nick's story involving all the sweet things he's done for Mesh only enforces Harry's love for Nick more _. God_ \- he wants to be that person, he aches to smother Nick in gifts and affection, but he's here in Japan instead of at Nick's side like he longs to be.

The selfish part of Harry wants to pitch a fit, to show up at Nick's door and announce everything, but what will that do? Nick is happy now, he's found someone to love, and just because it's not Harry doesn't mean it isn't real.

Harry refuses to ruin Nick's relationship just because he's finally come to his senses. He's not that terrible, although it is a tempting thought, but at the end of the day, Nick's happiness will always come before his own.

~~~

"We're going back to London tomorrow," Jeffery announces a few days before March rolls around.

"Hmmph?" Harry mumbles around the bite of sandwich he's just taken.

"You heard me," Jeff sighs, arching an eyebrow at him when Harry dares to roll his eyes.

"Fine," Harry groans, "but you can't make me go see Nick."

"Never said anything about him," Jeffery grins smugly. Harry knows he's fucked, but he goes along with it.

He's been meaning to get back into the studio anyway, and London is one of the best places to do that. It doesn't matter if Nick is there, he can avoid him if necessary. London is his home too though, and no matter what is going on in his fucked up head, he can't avoid the city forever.

~~~

Harry is reluctant to tell Nick that he's returning to London, but he doesn't want to spring his arrival on him either, so he ends up texting him on the flight just before takeoff. He doesn't expect a response; it's late after all, so he's not disappointed when Nick doesn't acknowledge his message.

Harry puts his phone away with a sigh as the plane accelerates. Jeffery sends him a reassuring smile which Harry acknowledges with a slight nod. He knows Jeffery thinks going back to London will be good for him, but Harry's not so sure.

He can't hide from Nick forever though, and now that Harry has admitted the truth to himself, he's aching to tell Nick his newly discovered feelings. He can't though, he already swore he won't ruin Nick's relationship, so Harry isn't sure what being in London will do for him besides torture him even further. If things are terrible though, he can leave. He knows Jeffery won't make him stay if he's miserable, so he just has to face home for a little bit longer.

~~~

When the plane lands and Harry switches his mobile back on, he still doesn't see any new texts - _well_ , nothing from Nick, at least, so he pockets the device again instantly. He follows behind Jeffery as they exit the small plane, keeping his head down and his hood pulled up so hopefully no one will recognize him. He's not in the mood to fake a smile right now, not even for a fan.

Harry almost trips when Jeffery nudges him. They're inside now, making their way to baggage claim, but they aren't quite there yet, so Harry grumbles under his breath as he lifts his eyes to meet Jeffery's gaze.

"You see him yet?"

"Who?" Harry asks grumpily. He doesn't see anyone, just tired people like himself trying to find their things so they can head home.

"On your left," Jeffery points, and then...oh - _yeah_...Harry sees him, or at least the sign he's holding at first. All it says is Hazza, but it's the handwriting that catches his attention, and sure enough, when Harry looks up, it is indeed Nick holding the hastily written sign.

"Nick..." Harry exhales brokenly, his steps stopping instantly as he tries to process the fact that Nick is actually here. This feels like a dream, yet it has to be real. Harry's awake at least, and even his imagination can't create that perfect of an image of Nick.

"Go on then," Jeffery nudges him again, "I'll get your things."

Harry's too dumbstruck to answer with words, so he just nods slowly, tugging at his hood a bit more before he makes his way over to where Nick is waiting for him along with a few other people holding similar signs.

Harry's tempted to run into his arms like this is one of his favorite romance movies. He misses the feeling of being held by Nick, of being brought home not by the scenery, or anything else, but by Nick - _always_ by Nick. He's the one Harry has constantly returned for at the end of the day. Everything else may have changed, but that fact remains as constant as ever.

"Hi," Harry waves awkwardly when he comes within earshot of Nick, deciding not to seek out his embrace just yet due to the proximity of others, not to mention his fear of being rejected. "Uh...what are you doing here?" Harry blames his bluntness on the jetlag from the flight, but he honestly can't get his brain to catch up with what is happening right now.

Nick looks soft, that's the first word that comes to mind as Harry drinks in his appearance. He's in sweats and the Kendrick Lamar jumper they both had purchased when they'd gone to his concert together. His hair is hidden underneath his hood, the short locks starting to curl again at the edges where it's beginning to grow out. If Harry had to guess, it looks like Nick had left the house in a hurry, which makes him wonder if he rushed here in order to meet him on time.

"Thought you might need a ride home," Nick shrugs, "and uh...well, it's been awhile. I might have missed you a bit."

Harry feels an instant rush of adoration for Nick flooding his veins. This is his best friend - the man he loves, and he suddenly regrets all the time he spent hiding from him. No matter what, Nick makes Harry's life better. He'd temporarily forgotten that, but now he's reminded of why he is so in love with the older man as he gazes down at him fondly.

"Oh yeah? You my personal driver now?" Harry asks, a grin breaking out on his face as Nick blushes lightly. His stomach is still in knots, and he's baffled at Nick's unexpected presence, but he can't stop smiling no matter how hard he tries.

"For today only. Come on then, I'll walk you out," Nick offers, placing his arm around him as they escape the busy airport noise in favor of the crisp air of the parking lot. Harry lets himself be led, trusting Jeffery to find their luggage and deal with everything else he can't be bothered to focus on right now. Harry needs this time with Nick more than he realized, and now that he's given a moment to gather his thoughts, he thinks Jeffery knew that as well.

"Did Jeffery tell you to come get me?" Harry asks as they walk, his brain slowly putting together the pieces of how Nick had known to be here at this time at his exact gate.

"Tell me, _no_...but, he may have let me know where to find you. I wanted to be here though. I really did miss you."

"Yeah? Harry questions warily, unsure if he should voice his mind, but finally deciding it's time to lay all of his cards on the table. "Even with Mesh around keeping you company?"

"Oh..." Nick pauses outside his car which they've just reached. "'Bout that...we - I maybe...broke up with him."

"You...you what?" Harry sputters. "You're kidding me." Harry feels awful for the rush of hope that unfurls in his stomach; he shouldn't be happy for Nick's loss, but he can't deny that the selfish side of him is currently rejoicing in the fact that he may, in fact, have a chance with the older man.

"No, not this time," Nick tries to smile, but it comes off as more of a grimace instead. "It wasn't anything he did, it just...wasn't going to work out, you know?"

"No actually I don't," Harry scoffs as he gets into the car. Nick follows suit, but he doesn't turn the key in the engine. "Last I heard, you two were spending a wonderful Valentine's Day together."

"I - we did..." Nick sighs, "but that's actually when I started to second guess things. Either way, it's no big deal -"

"No, that's shit," Harry cuts in. "I know you Nick, better than anyone, so what happened? You can tell me yeah? I'm your best friend."

"Like you've been telling me everything?" Nick cuts in, slicing straight to Harry's core with his one simple statement. Before Harry can respond, Nick keeps speaking. "If you want to know the truth though, it was because I wasn't in love with him, and I could see him falling in love with me. I didn't think that was fair to keep leading him on, not once I realized I couldn't reciprocate."

"You seemed pretty smitten with him," Harry shrugs, his fingers fiddling with his seat belt just for something to do. He refuses to meet Nick's eyes, afraid that his emotions will show in his irises if he does.

A clap of thunder rings overhead, breaking the silence of the car with its loud peal. Harry hadn't even known it was raining, but given the fact that they're still in the covered multistory, he can't see the sky to determine the weather.

"I wanted to be..." Nick sighs. Harry shifts awkwardly as he waits for Nick to say more, his suppressed feelings bubbling up in his chest as Nick pauses for what seems like ages. "I just...wasn't."

"Why not?" Harry presses. "You two seemed like the perfect couple."

"I wish I knew," Nick groans. "It's just - he wasn't the one."

"You sure of that?" Harry keeps pushing. "This isn't just you being scared of commitment again?" Harry has to know, otherwise he'll let himself get his hopes up for nothing.

"I don't think that was it. I actually tried this time, I didn't shy away from the things that I usually do, and I did love spending time with him, just not _him_. It didn't feel the same as with...before I mean. I -"

"I - I think I'm in love with you," Harry blurts out suddenly, his gaze locking with Nick's as he bares his heart and soul with a single sentence. He swears his blood stops flowing in his veins once he utters those words, but he doesn't regret his outburst - not yet at least.

"W-what?"

"I - I _am_...I love you," Harry repeats himself. "I know the timing isn't great, and you might not feel the same way, but seeing you with Mesh made me realize that I wanted what he had, and not in a jealous way. I've always wanted to be with you, I just never let myself admit that. I didn't want to lose you, or scare you off, or any of the other reasons why this is a stupid idea and I know I can never be what Mesh was for you. I can't be here all the time, but I want a chance to be with you properly - I...I want to be your boyfriend - if you want that, and I -"

Nick cuts Harry off with his mouth, pushing Harry back against the cushioned chair with the force of his body as he kisses Harry so hard his toes curl in his boots. Harry sinks into the kiss instantly, his eyes fluttering shut as Nick's tongue licks against his gums, their mouths melding together seamlessly like it's been mere hours since they last kissed instead of months.

Harry tries to bury his fingers in Nick's hair, forgetting that he's cut it close to his scalp. Lacking purchase, he wraps his hands around Nick's neck, a soft moan escaping past his lips as they become reacquainted with each other's mouths.

"Fucking hell," Nick groans when they break apart for air, his pupils dilating in the low light as he stares at Harry like it's the last time he'll ever see him. "This isn't a joke right?" he asks hoarsely.

"I - I'm being serious," Harry whispers when he can speak again. "I know I've never said it before, but I know this is real."

"I know, I think I've always known," Nick heaves in between soft exhales. "I love you too, I do. I just didn't want to let myself, first because of your age, then because I couldn't lose you...and now...I don't know. I just got scared, but I love you so much, and that's why Mesh and I would never work, because he would have always been second best to you."

"Nick," Harry whimpers softly. His heart swells in his chest as Nick's words sink into his skin. Nick loves him - _actually_ loves him. Everything around him feels like a dream, as if this is his greatest fantasy come to life, but as far as he can tell, this is real. Harry pinches himself just to make sure, and when it stings, he's mostly convinced that he's wide awake and this is actually happening.

"Take me home?" Harry asks quietly, his fingers lacing with Nick's as their foreheads press together gently.

"All you have to do is ask."

~~~

Harry grabs Nick by the collar of his shirt the moment the door closes behind them. They both ignore the dogs barking excitedly at their ankles in favor of clutching at each other like it's the only thing they know how to do. Harry whimpers as Nick leans in, their lips grazing together before they connect properly, his touch stealing the breath from Harry's lungs as he pushes up onto his toes.

They both have so much more to discuss, this isn't magically going to work out just because they have finally admitted their feelings for each other, but at the moment, Harry doesn't care. The months he's spent apart from Nick feel like years, and he wants to make up for every second he's missed out hiding away from all of this.

Nick kisses Harry so hard he's dizzy with it, his eyes immediately falling closed and his fingers tangling in Nick's hair as he presses back against his mouth with all the force he can muster. Arousal coils tightly in the base of Harry's stomach, he wants Nick so badly it aches, but there is a new layer of desire added to the usual mix, one that Harry has to attribute to love instead of plain lust.

"God I - I just, fucking hell," Nick groans into Harry's mouth.

"I love you," Harry murmurs against Nick's skin, a glorious shiver wracking his body as Nick clutches to him even tighter. "I'm in love with you."

"Love you too, so much."

"Please," Harry whimpers, and that's all the encouragement Nick seems to need to start dragging Harry upstairs while doing his best to keep their lips attached at the same time.

Somehow, they make it to Nick's bedroom without incident. Harry immediately starts pawing at their clothes the moment that Nick stops moving, and with a substantial amount of effort on his part, they both end up naked within minutes. Harry lets himself fall back against the mattress when Nick nudges him in that direction, his legs splaying open wide as Nick fits himself in between them as if he was made to be there. Harry cries out when Nick's cock brushes against his, his eyes squeezing shut while he shoves upward blindly in search of more friction.

Before he can catch his breath, Nick has his legs pulled even further apart, his head dipping down in between his thighs, licking a broad stripe over his balls and against his crack that has Harry inhaling so heavily he almost chokes. His hands fist the sheets tightly, a loud cry spilling from his swollen lips as Nick licks inside of him eagerly, his teeth grazing against his rim with each push of his tongue.

Heat boils in Harry's stomach as Nick licks at him thoroughly, a deep flush dragging down his heaving chest that can't seem to take in enough oxygen. Nick doesn't seem to need to breathe however, not with the way he's pressing his face into Harry's crack, his hot exhales grazing over Harry's spit soaked hole with ever increasing frequency.

Before Harry can completely lose himself, Nick pulls away from between his legs, his lips swollen and glistening as he grins widely at Harry. Harry wants to say something - maybe I love you again, because he does love Nick so much, or perhaps a cruder _'fuck me'_ , yet he finds himself speechless.

"You okay darling?" Nick asks hoarsely, the pet name igniting sparks in Harry's bloodstream that he hasn't felt in far too long. He feels as if he is glowing, Nick's affection filling him with a light that is brighter than any other source. He can't believe he was willing to let Nick go; that would have been the biggest mistake of his life.

"Bit more than okay," Harry finally answers, his voice emitting even deeper than it usually does, arousal lowering its octave by a substantial amount.

"Can I? Nick questions softly, holding up a bottle of slick that he'd gotten from who knows where.

"Yeah - please?" Harry nods, the fact that Nick still asks warms his insides almost as if he's lying in direct sunlight instead of inside a dark bedroom.

Nick wastes no time opening Harry up, his clever fingers bringing Harry to the brink of ecstasy within minutes. It's all Harry can do to stop himself from coming then and there, but luckily, Nick seems to sense his distress without being told.

"You ready for me?" Nick asks hoarsely, his dilated pupils locking onto Harry's gaze with the intensity of a spotlight.

"Yeah, want you so much," Harry begs, as if that fact isn't obvious already by his leaking dick and desperate panting. Harry wants so much, and now it is finally his to ask for once again - Nick is his, and that's all he's ever really wanted.

Harry cries out when Nick slips inside of him. It burns at first since he hasn't been with anyone in quite some time, but the pain quickly turns into shooting spikes of pleasure. Harry wraps his legs around Nick's waist, drawing him in as close as humanly possible until Nick's hips are snug against his arse cheeks.

Nick leans over until they are breathing each other's air, his eyes sparkling as he stares down at Harry adoringly. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," Harry whispers, his body glorifying in the dual sensations of being loved and filled all at once. He never wants this moment to end, and Nick doesn't appear to either since he doesn't immediately move, instead, he dips down a few more inches so he can capture Harry's lips in another kiss.

They build up a slow rhythm between them while their tongues reacquaint with each other's mouths. Sooner than he'd like, Harry is whimpering against Nick's teeth, his thighs quivering and his cock swelling as the need to come quickly overcomes him.

"Want to feel you, come on love," Nick encourages him, and that's all Harry needs to let go completely.

He shakes in Nick's arms as he comes, burying his face in Nick's shoulder while clinging to him tightly, trusting Nick to hold him together as he shatters completely. Nick comes soon after, his release intensifying Harry's own until it feels as if he's come twice, or perhaps experienced the longest orgasm ever.

But his pleasure does end, as all things do. Nick slips out of him at some point, leaving him aching and empty inside. Nick knows how much Harry hates that feeling though, so he instantly begins rubbing at his rim with his free hand, soothing him until he can adjust to the loss of Nick's length.

Harry is still wrapped around Nick, his head tucked into the crook of his neck while he tries to regulate his breathing. His heartbeat seems so loud, Harry can barely hear anything else, but then he realizes it's not just his heart he is hearing, but Nick's as well. The rhythms of their most precious organs have aligned perfectly for this sliver of time, and if Harry needs any more proof that he's meant to be with Nick, this is it.

"Thank you," Harry whispers when he can speak again, pressing the words into Nick's skin with the touch of his lips.

"What are you thanking me for?" Nick chortles softly, his long fingers carding through Harry's sweaty curls as he cradles the back of his head gently.

"For...everything," Harry smiles, "for picking me up, for always being there for me, for giving me a chance to love you properly."

"You melt," Nick teases, but Harry can hear the affection oozing from his tone. "I should be the one thanking you honestly," he adds on when Harry stays quiet. "I love you so much, I just never thought you felt the same."

"You're an idiot then, but I can't blame you. Took me a bit to figure it all out myself."

"The melt and the idiot - this sounds like the start of a proper fairytale."

"How do you think it ends?" Harry dares to ask. He lifts his head so he can look Nick in the eye, and he's overcome with the sheer amount of love that he can sense pouring from the older man.

"I'm not sure," Nick muses, "but if I had to guess I think they have a happy ending."

 


End file.
